The Battle with Self Rejection and Gospel Perception

In quoting catholic author Henri Nouwen, Dallas Willard observes: "Self rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved". Being the "Beloved" constitutes the core truth of our existence" (Renovation of the Heart - pg. 101).

There is a simplicity in that statement that allows me to consider the one most damaging and difficult issue I face in my own discipleship - "self perception." Earlier in the same chapter Dr.Willard wrote under the heading - "The First Move Back from Ruin": "As we first turned away from God in our thoughts, so it is in  our thoughts that the first movements toward the renovation of the heart occur."

There is an obvious disconnect with many Christ followers (like myself) between knowing spiritual truth and living as if we really know spiritual truth. My discipleship has been deeply challenged as of late by God ordained messengers who look a lot like people I know and sound like them as well.  My responses often begin with self rejection (I must be a failure) and end then with poor gospel perception (Why me God?)

I found a nice cure to all of this in a Psalm that WIllard suggests at the beginning of his chapter on Transforming the Mind...

                 Psalm 16:8 - I have set the Lord continually before me;
                Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken

One of the harder realities that I must admit and perhaps all disciples of Jesus should admit is just how deep our self idolatry exists. When I begin to reject myself and lose sight of my position in Christ as a "much loved son" - it is because I am setting myself before me and not setting the Lord before me. The idolatry of self is a serious matter to overcome because this particular idol is a very cruel taskmaster. It would remove God and put me in front and deceive me into thinking that I know what is best in any circumstance or in any given situation. Unfortunately, like all idols this particular idol is dishonest. While it may stroke my ego it kills my joy because if I am out in front of life - I will always be shaken.

So here is the thing I must do and hopefully you as a disciple must do: keep checking the ideas that are governing your life. I can move away from self-rejection and poor gospel perception as I become a commitment to having the Lord set continually before me. Practically that means both repentance of self-worship and an embracing of the gospel which when rehearsed reminds me that I am loved by an eternal God who not only died for me but lives for me.

Battle well the enemy and if you, like me, are barely standing, take serious the words of our brother Paul in Ephesians 6:10 - "Finally, be strong in the Lord adn in the strength of His might!"